


Please Don’t Hide

by Living_On_My_Own



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25112392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_On_My_Own/pseuds/Living_On_My_Own
Summary: When he sat down, he noticed some people around him whispering, staring at him. His phone vibrated. People had already found his Instagram, yes, the one with the pictures of himself with all his makeup on, the ones he had took when he was sure his parents wouldn't be back in the next hours. He checked the new message he had received, he really shouldn't have.
Relationships: Brian May/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Please Don’t Hide

3rd person's POV:

Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he should have stayed to Zanzibar, maybe it was really the best he could get. He should have expected it wouldn't be any different. He never was liked anywhere he went. Maybe he just needed to act more butch, to hide the girly side of himself that his dad hates so much. Maybe his dad was right, maybe he was really an embarrassment. Maybe it was why he didn't have any friends. He did find friends, but they didn't stay long. He wished they loved him as much as he loved them.

"So, please do the whole school a favour... and disappear."

It shouldn't have hurt that much really. He should have been stronger. He didn't even know her that much, she was just the best friend of an ex-friend. Maybe it was because he really wanted to disappear. Maybe it was just because it was the last straw. Or maybe when he was next pushed to the lockers, by some football player named Brian, that was the last straw.

He just really wanted to go back to Zanzibar.

"What are you doing on the floor?"

He didn't know the name of the teacher. He didn't know what subject he was teaching. He rarely ever saw him in the corridors, but apparently he was the best of the school. Light brown curly hair, lightly placed with hair gel. He wore one of those blazers that only teachers wore, frankly, if Freddie was feeling better, he would have made a joke about it. He had green eyes, maybe it was just because of the situation, but the Persian had never seen more caring eyes than these.

"Is it the boys of the football team? I know they're not kind." The man had said.

The 16 years old boy nodded. He accepted the hand of the teacher and got up with his help. The hallways were empty, the classes had started. He was gonna be late again, he was gonna be laughed at again. It was awful, why did his parents decide to move, why couldn't they stay in Zanzibar? Why did they need to make his life even harder?

"What your name?"

"Far- Freddie." He answered, almost letting his biological name slip.

"You can call me Mr. Schuester. What class do you have right now? I guess you're new, never seen you here. I can show you where's the classroom." The brown haired man said.

"E-English." The boy answered shyly.

He didn't dare look at the man beside him. He had been the nicest person that talked to him since he arrived. He just wished there were students that kind. But they were all cruel, not understanding what it was like to be like him, to be an outsider.

They arrived to the classroom, he waved goodbye to Mr. Schuester. He hoped it wasn't the last time they saw each other. He hoped maybe he was his teacher for a class. There were a few subjects that he hadn't got already. He really hoped he wouldn't have to forget about the teacher that made him at least feel a bit better. Only because he had walked him to his classroom and at least asked his name.

When he sat down, he noticed some people around him whispering, staring at him. His phone vibrated. People had already found his Instagram, yes, the one with the pictures of himself with all his makeup on, the ones he had took when he was sure his parents wouldn't be back in the next hours. He checked the new message he had received, he really shouldn't have.

Brian: You know fags aren't allowed in here, don't you, princess?

He really seemed so kind from the outside. Brian was a tall guy, pretty skinny. His tons of curls hid his sweet face, his hazel eyes. He was one of the smartest kids at this school, always getting grades Freddie could only ever wish to have. The Persian could have never guessed the boy would be the one shoving him the hardest, throwing the most hurtful insults. It never went further than that, but it was far enough to make the older want to hide under his covers and never get out again.

He deleted the conversation, like he deleted all the hateful comments under the pictures of him wearing makeup he had taken hours to make and had been so proud of doing, of wearing. It used to make him feel beautiful, but he wished he never did that, he wished he never even considered liking boys. It was such a burden. Even more when he was the only gay boy in this gigantic school. Or at least the only boy that was out of the closet. Not fully though, it would take years to tell his parents, he was sure of it.

He closed his phone and ignored when it vibrated again. He would not fall for it this time. Maybe he would tonight, like he always did. He probably will go on his phone or computer and look at all the new comments on his pictures, all the news messages he got. He often wished for someone to only comment he was beautiful, or to text him that they wanted them to be friends, to talk. It never really happened. He was starting to think it would never happen, that maybe he wasn't beautiful enough to be called beautiful, that he wasn't good enough to be someone's friend.

It wasn't really true, someone texted him kind words once, Brian texted him the third day of school, before he started insulting him, that he wanted them to meet in the parking lot, to talk, because he liked him, because he was beautiful. Freddie really shouldn't have believed him. Of course the popular Brian May would never like him. When he arrived in the parking lot, Brian wasn't there, but the rest of the football team was. They cornered him, all the way to some unknown place of the school, enough for him to not see when Brian walked to them. He walked through the little crowd of boys in football uniforms. He looked at Freddie dead in the eye, laughed a little, then an evil smile formed on his face.

"You really thought I liked you? Princess, firstly, you're the only one fairy of this school. Secondly, those teeth are way too hideous and big for anyone to be able to kiss you. Lastly, to be really clear, nobody ever really wanted you to be here in the first place. That's why you still haven't got any friends, let alone a boyfriend."

And when the gang left, he swore to himself to never ever let anyone else in. Not like anyone would want to anyway. It wouldn't be hard. He didn't tell the truth when his mama had asked at dinner later why he wasn't talking like usual, why he looked so upset. His father was glad of the silence of his son. He didn't explain to Kashmira why that night he held her so close when they watched a movie on Netflix. Or why he didn't laugh when the parts of the movie were funny.

"I'm just tired." He said and his little sister believed him and only snuggled closer to him, ready to fall asleep on him.

When the class ended, he was the first one to walk out. He tightly held all books, knowing some boy would push him, it was often enough for him to drop his things. And he was pushed, by Brian obviously, but his books didn't fall. He really just wanted to run away and never come back. He was already tired.

"Takes you long to understand that nobody likes you being here, princess. I like that you paint your nails, adds to the fairy thing going on here. Why don't you put on your makeup too? That would be even better. Or I could be the one putting on makeup on you. You know, my fist can make really pretty blue and purple. I'm sure you'll like it very much, princess." He said, both of his hands against the lockers, Freddie between them.

Freddie really thought he would do it. He probably was gonna do it. But Mr. Schuester arrived when Freddie closed his eyes tightly, expecting to have his air knocked out of him. Brian was pulled away from him, he didn't know what to say when the teacher looked at him after Brian had left.

"Are you okay?" The man asked.

"Y-yeah." The student answered.

He really wasn't. But why bother telling the truth? He wouldn't care, nobody does. So he looked away, he really wanted to just disappear, to never been seen again. It would really better for everyone. Instead, he just walked away, leaving the teacher there, feeling powerless.

Freddie didn't avoid either his phone or his computer when he got home. He was met with the same things as yesterday, and all the days before. New comments. He didn't delete them. He left them there, it wouldn't change anything, beside the fact that he would likely read them over and over again until it really sunk in.

Another day, after the gym class, he changed alone in the locker room. He had waited for everyone to be gone. He really should have expected for Brian to come back, only because he knew Freddie would still be there.

"Ashamed to change in front of everyone because of how skinny you are, princess? You shouldn't be ashamed, makes you even more look like a little girl." He said viciously.

"Can you just shut up? I've had e-fucking-nough of you, Brian." Freddie answered, seriously getting tired of all of it.

Brian got closer to him, his eyes darkened, his fist tightened.

"It's funny, princess, I'd say it's the other way around. Everybody pretty much has enough of you, you know." The taller boy whispered with a long lasting mean smirk.

"What's your fucking problem, Brian? I've done NOTHING to you, and all you've done is being horrible to me! What's with you? Why are you like this? What have I do-"

He shut up quickly when a pair of lips were smashed against his. For a second, he couldn't believe it, Brian May, the biggest bully of this whole school, was kissing him. He could have sworn it was a dream, but it really wasn't. And the football player eventually pulled away.

"That's why." Brian snapped.

Maybe he should have thought of it. It was so clear and logic now that he knew what it was. Because that was always the reason behind things like this. People being violent, mean, because they were insecure, because they didn't like being in their own skin. He really should have thought of that.

"Don't ever tell anyone, or I'll make your life a nightmare." Brian menaced before running away.

'You already did' Freddie thought to himself.

The few next weeks were the same, Brian just wasn't the one being the worst as usual. Freddie felt so stupid for ever thinking maybe it would stop, only because he knew the reason of all this. But no, it was still the same, as hurtful, as exhausting. He didn't sleep much, all those messages haunted him at night. His mama scolded him for not sleeping, thinking he was just too much on his phone.

Some day, when the school ended, and Freddie was gathering his things to go home. He tried to be as quick as possible, there was always a football practice the Wednesday afternoons, so he knew there were chances of the boys seeing him.

He was right to worry, because as he closed his locker with a loud sound, he saw them from the corner of his eyes. His heart beat louder and he was sure they would all hear it. He tried walking away, avoiding them, maybe they would leave him alone? They never left him alone.

He found himself against one of the hideous yellow walls of this terrible school.

"Go on. Hit me. Do it. Fucking hit me. But no matter how hard and how much you hit me, you'll never change me. Because this is who I am and nobody will ever change that." The Persian whispered, he tried to hide how his voice trembled with fear. He really just wanted to look brave and like he didn't care, but seven guys way bigger than him were standing in front of him, looking like they really wanted to hit him. It really wasn't easy.

"Gladly, princess. My fists are impatient to shatter your skinny and insignificant body." The "leader" said.

Freddie squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for a fist against his cheek.

"Hey boys, let me take care of him. You all know I'll do it better than any of you. And the goal in the end is only to knock it out of him, isn't it princess?" Brian said, walking toward them.

When the football team left, leaving both students there, Freddie still had his eyes shut, Brian stared at the frightened face of the slightly older boy. He looked so tense. He really thought he was gonna get hit. It was almost inevitable with all Brian's done to him in the past, it would only make sense.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, you know. I didn't want them to hurt you. That why I told them that. I knew if I let them you'd be really really hurt, and I couldn't live with that. I wouldn't want you to have to go to the hospital, or something. I would never forgive myself." Brian explained quietly, trying to be as comforting as possible.

But Freddie stayed in the same position, he didn't dare move, open his eyes.

"Freddie, I really don't wanna be this kind of guy anymore. I know I've been so cruel and I understand if you never forgive me. But I just want you to know that I'll make sure they leave you alone."

It was probably the fact that Brian called his by his name for the first time that Freddie opened his eyes. He didn't know what to believe, it wasn't the first time Brian would act kind to only hurt him more after all. Maybe it was another trick, to make him feel even worse. He didn't say anything.

"There's one thing, that made me really happy when I wasn't. I think you'd really like it, I've heard you sing, on your videos on Instagram. You're really good."

"You mean the videos on Instagram that you enjoyed adding horrible comments to?" Freddie asked, his voice clearly hurt.

"I was jealous. I was so jealous. I wanted to be as courageous as you, to be able to be so open about who you are, to sing so well, I was jealous of everything about you. I think you're fantastic, Freddie. And it was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life. I regret it so fucking much."

"You made me hate my life, Brian. You made me wish I was gone. You made me rethink everything I ever knew about myself. And you hurt me so so much, you can't even imagine. I didn't want to look at myself anymore because of you, I promised myself I would never let anyone in, only because of everything you did." Freddie whispered, he weirdly felt better getting all of this out.

Brian shifted his weight from one feet to another. The floor suddenly was insanely interesting. The curled hair boy really couldn't look away from it.

"I know if you ever forgive me, it'll take a while. But please, I need you to do something. And I want you to do it for yourself, because I know it'll at least make you feel a bit better." Brian said, it really did sound heartfelt.

He held his hand out. Freddie reluctantly took it in his own. Maybe he would regret it, but he didn't have anything left to lose. Brian walked him to some classroom he had never been in. A few people were inside, maybe a dozen. There were a few cheerleaders, and some other people Freddie had seen in the hallways but had never actually searched to know them. And when they walked in, they all stopped their voice warming to look at them.

He held his things a bit tighter, expecting for someone to throw some hurtful comment. Surely, they wouldn't like him being there? Usually, nobody liked him being anywhere. But they didn't say anything, they smiled at him.

"I think I found us a new member, guys." Brian said slightly excitedly.

And only now, Freddie noticed Mr. Schuester and he immediatly felt a little bit better. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad? He said his name, and everybody did one by one. They explained to him a bit what they did after school. A show choir. But when they asked him to sing something, he felt nervous and protested.

"I- I really can't sing that well." He said.

He really would never be as good as any of them.

"Of course you can, Freddie. You're fantastic." Brian assured.

So everyone but Freddie sat on some plastic chairs. The Persian chose a song, it was probably the song he listened to the most these days, the most listened to song from his sad songs playlist. He played it over and over again, he probably remembered it completely now?

He took a deep breath before starting to sing.

"Baby really hurt me

Crying in the taxi

He don't wanna know me

Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm

Says it was poison

So I guess I'll go home

Into the arms of the girl that I love

The only love I haven't screwed up

She's so hard to please

But she's a forest fire

I do my best to meet her demands

Play at romance, we slow dance

In the living room, but all that a stranger would see

Is one girl swaying alone

Stroking her cheek

They say, "You're a little much for me

You're a liability

You're a little much for me"

So they pull back, make other plans

I understand, I'm a liability

Get you wild, make you leave

I'm a little much for

E-a-na-na-na, everyone

The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy

'Til all of the tricks don't work anymore

And then they are bored of me

I know that it's exciting

Running through the night, but

Every perfect summer's

Eating me alive until you're gone

Better on my own

They say, "You're a little much for me

You're a liability

You're a little much for me"

So they pull back, make other plans

I understand, I'm a liability

Get you wild, make you leave

I'm a little much for

E-a-na-na-na, everyone

They're gonna watch me

Disappear into the sun

You're all gonna watch me

Disappear into the sun"

He hoped nobody noticed when his eyes watered. But everyone did. He wished he wasn't so weak. What would his father say if he saw him like that, crying like a girl? He would probably tell him he was ashamed of him, a disgrace, that's what he was. But it didn't make him cry any less.

"I'm sorry." He whispered as he sadly wiped away his own tears.

He didn't expect to feel twelve pairs of arms around him. It surprised him, maybe because it was the first time someone cared enough about him to take their time to make him feel better. Usually, people walked away, looked away, ignored him.

"It's your home here now, okay?" Some guy called John whispered to him in his ear. 

Freddie nodded tearfully and mouthed a thank you. Maybe it would be okay now.

The next few weeks, people left him alone a bit more. The messages and the comments didn't stop, but when the football tried to approach Freddie, his new friends were there. It was more often than not Roger, John and Brian that stayed by his side. Sometimes it was the girls that walked with Freddie down the hallways. School really wasn't so bad after all.

Everybody seemed to really like Freddie's voice and how he sang. It sure made Freddie's heart jump each time someone complimented him. It made him less and less anxious to sing and he enjoyed it so much more than it used to.

Brian never stopped being kind, to be honest, the Persian cursed himself for it, but his heart grew more fond of the curly haired boy everyday. He liked the cute smile Brian send him each time he turned his head and met his gaze. Surely, Brian couldn't be staring at him during classes?

The biggest change was probably the place where he ate during lunch. Normally, he'd eat probably in a toilet cubicle. It's disgusting in the beginning, but you get used to it. He got used to it. But now he ate with people, at a table in the cafeteria. He really couldn't believe it was happening.

There were still moments where Freddie felt alone, moments where he sat at the table, listened to his new friends talking, but he didn't talk. His mouth was sealed, waiting for someone to notice him, it often took a while. And when someone did, he didn't answer much, afraid he'd scare people off, too flamboyant and talkative.

He was surprised when John asked him to come to his party at his house. He expected to be left out, surely people didn't want him to be there and ruin their night? But they did, and it made the darkest haired boy even more nervous. There was no way he wouldn't ruin everything.

He had decided to wear makeup this night. Roger has begged him for days for him to put on makeup. He had to wait that his parents were out of the house to prepare himself. This really needed to stay private.

Freddie wore skinny leather pants, platform black boots, a floral flowy shirt that seemed way too big for his skinny figure. His wrists were decorated with silver bangles and his neck with long silver necklaces. He would have put matching earrings, if his father would be okay to him having his ear pierced.

The night was cold, and Freddie expected to feel as cold as it was, at any point. His furry coat protected him from the icy wind, but not from the usual rain. He walked all the way to John's house, he really hoped this night wouldn't be so bad, because at least it kept him from reading some horrible new comments he had found earlier on his new picture, at least the whole show choir club liked it.

The door opened seconds after his knocks. The house felt warm and welcoming. Everybody was already there because of course it took him way too long to put on makeup and he got carried away.

"Freddie!" Roger called when he noticed him.

The Persian let out a small shy smile to say hello to the blonde. Veronica complimented him about his eye look and he thanked her, not really used to ever receive a nice compliment about it. Chrissie had let him know how much she loved his hair like that, all curly and puffy instead of how he straightened it for school. 

It was a pretty simple party, a few beers, music in the background. But they got tired of it and decided to watch a movie. Brian went out, probably to vape or something. Maybe Freddie should have expected it, the shame and anxiety when everyone sat on the large sofa, all cuddled up, everyone but him. Covers covered them all, feet and bodies tangled. He should have known it would come eventually. It was a cold and rainy night after all.

He sat on the little sofa, apart from the group of best friends. He should have known he'd never really be a part of their group. Like usual, the stranger, the boy who will never belong, who will always stand out. He couldn't concentrate on the movie, which one even was it? He just couldn't stop staring with one eye at the others. He wondered why he couldn't be a part of that. Maybe they just didn't like the idea of him being gay, maybe they were scared he'd do something. Maybe he just wasn't welcome. Maybe he wasn't welcome.

Again.

So he stood up, took his coat, not surprised when nobody saw him leave. He put on his boots, took his phone, texting his parents he was on his way home. At least maybe his father would be proud of him, for once. He opened the front door, and wanted to yell at whoever was doing this to him when he noticed Brian, enveloped in thick white smoke.

"Where are you going!" He asked. 

"Home, have a good night." Was Freddie's only answer.

"Why are you leaving? Aren't you having fun? I thought it was pretty decent myself. " Brian said.

"I've got nothing to do here. Like anywhere else." The older quietly said, head hurting.

And he walked away.

Brian didn't understand the meaning of his words until he walked in and noticed his friends cuddling on the couch. Idiots. And that's what he called them when he explained why Freddie left.

Freddie ran to his room when he got home, knowing his papa would be waiting for him, and he really couldn't see his makeup. He quickly removed any trace of makeup he had on his face and sat on his double sized bed. But his papa never came.

Later in the night, when both his parents were in bed in the room beside his, he laid on his bed with the light of his phone illuminating his numb face. His heart jumped when Brian texted him, only simple words.

Brian: Are you okay?

Freddie: I'm okay.

Maybe it was the exhaustion. Maybe it was only that tonight hurt so much, but he kept himself so hard from crying, from letting the tears welling up in his eyes fall. But he failed, and they fell quickly, messily, loudly. The light of his phone highlighted them and he felt stupid, breaking down because of something so usual.

"Farrokh, close you're phone and sleep." His father said from the other side of the door with a low and annoyed voice.

He closed his phone and the light vanished, making his cries much harder. He had to cover his mouth with his hand, afraid that his parents or his sister would hear him. This would be really the worst thing that could happen. His father would tell him to man up, that he was being stupid, still crying like a baby. His mother would tell him to do better, even if that's always what he did. Kashmira wouldn't understand, she'd stay and comfort him, like he was normal. How much he wished he was normal.

The next day at school, when he avoided the show choir practice during lunch, Veronica and John went to see him, handed him one of his bracelet that he had forgotten and asked him where he had been. He told them he wasn't gonna come anymore, he turned away and walked away, shutting his locker quickly and loudly, they didn't try and walk after him. Nobody would, well that's what he thought.

The days were weird. He sat at an empty table during lunch, away from the little gang that he thought would be his friends for a long time. But he had been fooled, because nobody stayed his friends for long, nobody ever had the patience to tolerate him for more than a few weeks, sometimes days. He should have expected this wouldn't be any different.

The football players always wandered a bit around him, took advantage of all the moments he was completely alone. There were not more things than meaningless yet so painful words. But he still later on, another afternoon, found himself on the floor, the so disgusting floor that everyone in the whole building hated. Maybe it was too much, maybe he wasn't that insane, but he just really felt like dying when a foot hit him and probably shattered one of his ribs.

His left cheek had been damaged too. A thick drop of blood flowed down his aching jaw.

"I'm sorry." He wanted to yell at the world. For not being good enough, even when all he did was his best. For not being the man his father wanted him to be. For not living up to all the things people expected of him. He was sorry for not being able to hide his awkwardness. He was sorry for not being good enough. He was so sorry for disappointing everyone.

And when he was pulled away from all the violence, when hands found him and took him closer, softly, he wished it would last. That those warm hands would stay there forever, never get tired of him, that they would love him indefinitely.

"Freddie?"

The Persian opened his eyes so slowly, and everyone was there, looking at him like some broken toy. And he just wanted to break down, let go, because he was tired, so tired. But he stood up painfully, turned away, prepared to walk away, like he always did.

"Freddie, stop. Stop! We miss you, okay? It's not the same without you! And stop thinking no one cares, because we all do. We all care so much. We just want you to be happy. I just want you to be happy. So stop accepting all that shit they give you, stop thinking that's what you've got to tolerate to be yourself." Brian said.

They took Freddie to the choir room and sat him on a plastic chair. Everyone but Brian sat on other chairs beside Freddie. Maybe it was just context, but he could feel his eyes stinging when Brian began singing. When he began singing to him.

"Crowded hallways are the loneliest places

For outcasts and rebels

Or anyone who just dares to be different

And you've been trying for so long

To find out where your place is

But in their narrow minds

There's no room for anyone who dares to do something different

Oh, but listen for a minute

Trust the one

Who's been where you are wishing all it was

Was sticks and stones

Those words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone

And you're not invisible

Hear me out,

There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now

Someday you'll look back on all these days

And all this pain is gonna be invisible

Oh, invisible

So your confidence is quiet

To them quiet looks like weakness

But you don't have to fight it

'Cause you're strong enough to win without a war

Every heart has a rhythm

Let yours beat out so loudly

That everyone can hear it

Yeah, I promise you don't need to hide it anymore

Oh, and never be afraid of doing something different

Dare to be something more

Trust the one

Who's been where you are wishing all it was

Was sticks and stones

Yeah, the words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone

And you're not invisible

Hear me out,

There's so much more of this life than what you're feeling now

And someday you'll look back on all these days

And all this pain is gonna be invisible

These labels that they give you

just 'cause they don't understand

If you look past this moment

You'll see you've got a friend

Waving a flag for who you are

And all you're gonna do

Yeah, so here's to you

And here's to anyone who's ever felt invisible

Yeah, and you're not invisible

Hear me out,

There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now

And someday you'll look back on all these days

And all this pain is gonna be invisible

It'll be invisible"

The music faded. The Persian got up, stared for a little while at the boy in front of him, and wrapped his arms around Brian. Eventually, other arms enveloped them. Maybe he really was at his place, there, with his friends.

"Thank you." He whispered.

And it didn't surprise anyone when Brian and Freddie arrived to school one day, hand in hand. Not everyone was happy, but they were and in the end, it was the only thing that mattered.


End file.
